How to be a Legend

Fatties, I can heal you

First off, I will slam you.
Then I will help you.
It’s how I do my thing.
It’s important I crush all your arguments first.

OKAY YOU BLOATED RETARDS!,

Curvy woman does NOT mean a fat f*ck squeezed into a corset.
Cuddly men do not need to have a big huge gut and 3 chins.

There is nothing more “real” about a woman just because she’s in poor physical health.
Guys, stop calling people poofs because you’re jealous they take care of themselves.

The facts:

Your overweightness is unhealthy and unattractive. People who tell you otherwise are more than likely lying or are overweight themselves or unattractive some other way and think you’re the best they can do. Maybe they’re ginger.

People like other people who are in great shape. Don’t believe the lies to make you feel better.
All those people who said they’d f*ck you online. REALLY probably lying. or mean they would f*ck you, but they’d hide you from their mates. Maybe that’s what you’re going for ? Embarrassing d*ck sheath? Either way the corset ladies especially I imagine find themselves more of a one night stand kind of girl than a keeper.

Men like women who look like pamela anderson, angelina jolie
Women like guys who look like brad pitt, tom cruise or whatever

For god sakes you morons!, do you REALLY think your partner doesn’t want you looking like something from a porno ? ,large boobs, small waist, curvy without too much flab? c*ck not hidden by a beer gut, a nice 6 pack, some good lean muscle, wide chest and shoulders maybe? People just claim to not like traditionally attractive people out of jealousy and fear of rejection.

On a base level, everyone does really. It’s bred into you.

Attractiveness is NOT decided by you. You can’t say you’re attractive, it’s really not for you to decide, Tons of Fun.
It’s by how many people find you attractive and to what level.

Some of the Lies:

You’ll know these I’m sure.

“I’m big boned”

No. You really aren’t. There are NO big bones unless you’re a dinosaur. You ever seen a fat skeleton?
No. Big bones covered in gobbets of flesh, that’s what you got there.

“I can’t lose weight”

Yes. Yes you can. You don’t get fat starving people for instance. It’s just the way the body works. Less calories than you use in a controlled way = weight loss. It’s just bloody obvious.

“I don’t have time to workout”

BOLLOCKS, Absolute Bollocks. You whining maggot. If you watch any Tv show ever, read

any books or do anything except sleep eat and take care of something EVER even if it’s just 20 mins, then you have time to work out.

“I want to enjoy life”

You excuse making ponce, that’s just trying to make it sound like a choice when you hide away eating a big pile of junk in the corner to make yourself feel better. You’ll enjoy life better if you could buy normal size clothes. And you’ll also live longer too, so get more time to enjoy it. You did not say to yourself “my god, I want to be big and fat and have my clothes look too tight and horrible and people to stare at me”

“I’ve tried everything” No you haven’t. You haven’t tried adopting a sensible eating approach and exercise plan and

STICKING WITH IT.

“It’s my genetics”

F*ck Off. Yes I am aware there are 3 basic morphs. Skinny, fat and middle. Skinny have trouble putting on mass, fat has trouble taking it off and middle are just lucky because they can put muscle on easy and trim fat… BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN’T LOSE WEIGHT OR LOOK BETTER THAN YOU DO. You’re not destined to be overweight, just bigger scaled, you can still have a good stomach or arms or arse and so on!

On a simple level here’s some advice that will instantly put you on the road to success.

1. Eat slowly and stop as soon as you’re not hungry.

Ah how easy is that one? Can you really say there is ANY possible reason you can’t do that?
You can eat more if you get hungry later. In fact, it’s important to get hungry later. You should never feel stuffed

or that full or ever really that hungry either. You want to turn into an efficient metabolism MACHINE.

2. Try to eat every 3 hours. 200-300 calories. 20 Grams of protein, slow release carbs.

Bit tricker but nearly always do able. This helps keep your blood sugar constant. It’s when it peaks or troughs that you start craving and losing control of your eating. Start craving those fast sugars and sweets.
By eating this way you give your muscles fuel to burn fat and don’t go hungry. You want things like oats, fruit, low fat natural yoghurt, eggs, lean meats, salads, watch the dressing. breads with seeds in it.
Eat as soon as you wake up too, this is important. When you sleep your metabolism slows down to a much slower resting rate and stays like this until you eat something. If you eat something as soon as possible when waking up your instantly burning more calories than you would than if you didn’t. This means more weight lost in the long term and a more productive and energetic morning you.
3. Stop eating sweets, white or brown breads, near all breakfast cereals and potatoes all the time
They’re all just sh*t. really just sh*t. Don’t believe the adverts. They suck nutritionally. Stop. Easy.

4. Workout intensely as possible. 30 mins intense is better than 1 hour f*cking about talking to your mate as you walk on the treadmill. Stop wasting your time.
Never mind all the shit you see with easy calorie burning, do cardio all time to burn fat and so on. It’s crap. and is why you keep failing. Lift weights, do resistance stuff, circuit training , make the heart pump like crazy , the sweat drip and you’ll feel it more.
Each pound of lean muscle mass burns 60 calories in a day without you doing ANYTHING, you put on 10lbs, you’re now burning extra 600 calories a day, for nothing. You can’t do that with cardio on it’s own.
LADIES, you seem to think that if you lift weights 3 times a week for 30 mins you’ll get all massive buff and so avoid it. … HAHAHA yeah.
It’s not that easy. Really. You’re safe.
It takes one of those huge women about 20 hours a week lifting weights and eating 6000 calories a day to look like that. Don’t be f*cking ridiculous.
And the best part is you’ll grow to like it if you push yourself because of endorphins. Can’t beat that can you!?

5. If you f*ck up, it is NOT permission to f*ck up more
Just because you had a biscuit doesn’t mean you have “ruined it” and should now have the whole pack because “it doesn’t matter” (also a broken one counts, yes, yes it does Lunchbox). You made an error. Leave the rest and just get on with it. Get some fruit. last one for now
6. Try to carry a bit of fruit around with you, in case you get hungry. Low fat bars etc are mostly shit. Avoid processed foods if possible. Take the lil extra time to make stuff yourself. Doesn’t need to be organic, that’s another thing that’s mostly a stupid myth and media hype.

Do NOT come to me with f*cking excuses like the above.
Do NOT argue with me when I tell you to do something. Just f*cking do it.
I will make you healthy and thinner.