How to be a Legend

Right, this is a pre-emptive strike to all you knobs that are going to try and shake my hand or kiss my cheek ( depending if you’re man or woman or a bit fruity. Don’t get me started on trannys. Has c*ck , is a man.).

Every f*cking year it’s the same thing when you go back to work, a bunch of di*kheads all try to shake your hand shouting happy new year.  Well that’s ace but I seen you just a week ago and we barely speak and it’s just the fakest thing ever.  It’s like a constant job interview that first week back.

This completely fake jovality and acting like it’s some sort of real accomplishment. Statistically speaking it’s no more relevant than Thursday following Wednesday but we don’t bust out the fireworks and big drums for that. Alright I guess it’s a good excuse to cut loose a bit at the actual time but after that just let it go. You’re going to spend the first month filling in the wrong year on the date anyway and when you finally do it automatically mid Feb you’ll wonder where the time’s went and all this hand shaking crap just seems extra ridiculous.

If you want to say Happy New Year then fine, that’s alright.

Just stop trying to touch me.