How to be a Legend

This email did the rounds from a few of my friends now. I’ve responded as I smell some Bullsh*t in what he says.

*********************
Michael Richards makes his point…

Michael Richards better known as Kramer from tv’s Seinfeld, does make a good point.
This was his defense speech in court after making racial comments in his comedy act. He makes some very interesting points.

Proud To Be White

Someone finally said it.
How many are actually paying attention to this?

There are African Americans, Mexican Americans,
Asian Americans, Arab Americans, etc.And then there are just Americans.

You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction.
You Call me ‘White boy,’ ‘Cracker,’ ‘Honkey,’
‘Whitey,’ ‘Caveman’ … and that’s OK.

But when I call you, N*gger, Kike, Towel head,
Sand-n*gger, Camel Jockey, Beaner, Go*k, or Ch*nk …
You call me a racist.

You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you,
so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?

You have the United Negro College Fund.
You have Martin Luther King Day.
You have Black History Month.
You have Cesar Chavez Day.
You have Yom Hashoah.
You have Ma’uled Al-Nabi.
You have the NAACP.
You have BET.
If we had WET (White Entertainment Television) we’d be racists.
If we had a White Pride Day, you would call us racists.
If we had White History Month , we’d be racists.
If we had any organization for only whites to ‘advance’
OUR lives we’d be racists.

We have a Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber
of Commerce, and then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce.
Wonder who pays for that?

A white woman could not be in the Miss Black American
pageant, but any color can be in the Miss America pageant.

If we had a college fund that only gave white students
scholarships you know we’d be racists.
There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges
in the US . Yet if there were ‘White colleges’ THAT
would be a racist college.

In the Million Man March, you believed that you were
marching for your race and rights. If we marched for
our race and rights, you would call us racists.

You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and
you’re not afraid to announce it. But when we announce
our white pride, you call us racists.

You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a
white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats
up a black drug-dealer running from the law and posing a
threat to society, you call him a racist.

I am proud.
But you call me a racist.

Why is it that only whites can be racists?

There is nothing improper about this e-mail.
Let’s see which of you are proud enough to send it on.

***************************************
*************

My response:

That would all be terribly convincing and proper if not for the fact he says “you” all the time. Which immediately groups anyone with whatever skin colour he’s ranting about under the same banner. Since Racism stems from doing just that and not seeing people as individuals there’s a good chance the boy there does have some good tendencies towards “us v them”.

Everyone is racist to some degree. It’s a survival trait through evolution. “This is different, is it a threat?” but I think perhaps it’s a good chance he takes it a bit further than that with his grouping system there.That’s not to be arguing with his central point however. The rights system is set up to be terribly racist in it’s attempts to counter racism. It’s a hard thing to fix and it could be done better I imagine. I’d also like to point out that his comments can equally apply to men and women. There are a lot of women only groups etc and very few male only groups. Is it any different?

Don’t be proud to be white,black,asian,male,female, afro american, caucasian, gay , straight, bi or anything else you didn’t actually choose though.

Why be proud of an accident of birth?

It’s like being proud of your height, eye colour or having 2 nipples….

There are two types of people, Legends and non Legends.  Legends recognise excuse making Bullsh*t when they hear it. I could sympathise if his defense was more in the nature of a Freedom of speech type comedy thing but it wasn’t. It also depends on the jokes I guess.

The Government is only good in one department and that is covering up  things like conspiracies and alien invasions.

Apparently they’re amazing at that.

Right, this is a pre-emptive strike to all you knobs that are going to try and shake my hand or kiss my cheek ( depending if you’re man or woman or a bit fruity. Don’t get me started on trannys. Has c*ck , is a man.).

Every f*cking year it’s the same thing when you go back to work, a bunch of di*kheads all try to shake your hand shouting happy new year.  Well that’s ace but I seen you just a week ago and we barely speak and it’s just the fakest thing ever.  It’s like a constant job interview that first week back.

This completely fake jovality and acting like it’s some sort of real accomplishment. Statistically speaking it’s no more relevant than Thursday following Wednesday but we don’t bust out the fireworks and big drums for that. Alright I guess it’s a good excuse to cut loose a bit at the actual time but after that just let it go. You’re going to spend the first month filling in the wrong year on the date anyway and when you finally do it automatically mid Feb you’ll wonder where the time’s went and all this hand shaking crap just seems extra ridiculous.

If you want to say Happy New Year then fine, that’s alright.

Just stop trying to touch me.

Well even I’ve been notified of the news regarding rage against the machine beating x factor to christmas number one. I’m not exactly a carer of that title but I have to say I’m very confused about what’s actually happened here.
The basic story is that a guy didn’t like xfactor winning the spot past 4 years. So made a facebook group to get a RATM song number one. Which got the support the alternatey community and its now got it.
I really don’t actually see this as much of a victory for individuality though. I mean I don’t like xfactor, don’t watch it, know little about it, don’t know the names of the people in it apart from cowell. I do know that it does gear itself up to get christmas spot.

Let’s review. Its a contest that a talented and likely hard working young person wins through a combination of worthy factors to achieve their dream. That’s the person that loses out by not getting number one, its hardly hitting cowell hard in the pocket is it.
Each person who bought the record did so through personal choice because they liked the music. No one was made to it was a series of individual choices.
Xfactor is very successful at what it does.

So in retaliation for the crime of being successful, because by f*ck we do all hate winners don’t we. “They’re good at what they do… BOOOOOO!”
The alternative community got together and bought the RATM song. Its again a series of individual choices to do so, but in this case its motivated because you disliked other peoples choices. I guess that just leaves a bad taste in my mouth because if left alone it says “don’t really care, that’s not my kind of music” but now it looks like the care was there but you simply got beat every year until this point.

To me it seems petty and really self defeating. “We’re all individual and to prove it we’re going to buy the same song” .

I kinda see what was tried to do, I just don’t really think bandwagonism is very metal so regardless of number one winning, its non legendary behaviour.

(Now if only it had been done purely for The Lulz)

Occaisonally people fall out with me. 
“What? Really? But you’re so pretty!”
I know I know but sometimes people just can’t handle this much Legend in their tiny lives. If you disagree/agree with me then leave a comment or send me an email.

There are various reasons for this. The main one is that while people claim to like honesty they actually are just lying and don’t like to be told they’re fat or their beliefs are idiotic and the like. 
I’m going to give a few examples of why people have fell out with me so you can see that you can’t please everyone all the time because some people are monumentally stubborn and can’t apportion blame properly. That being the case you should do (within reason) what makes you happy and try to be honest about everything.  It’s the Legend way.  Weirdly 2 of these 3 examples are from Newcastle ladies and involve Facebook. Does that mean Newcastle wimmen shouldn’t be allowed on Facebook?.  Yes. Yes it does.

In Reverse Order 

3. I’m friends with a couple (horrible idea btw, try to just be friends with one of them). M (girl)  and A (boy).  I get a message on facebook from R (girl) saying hello, seemed interesting, spotted on a friends profile. The mutual friend was A.  R had a gallery of A with his shirt off. I found this a bit strange and asked M who R was. She said R was friend of As why. I said just found it bit weird she has that gallery.   
Unbeknownst to me then, but knownst to me now, M is a raging nutjob with regards to jealousy.  Sequence went nuts.

1. Gallery was there over a year ago, A wasn’t with M then. It hasn’t been updated since.
2. M and A split up after I mention it’s existance
3. I try helping out by pointing out to M that it’s not on As profile, he prob forgot it even existed, it’s been a year, it’s just his shirt off on top of all that etc etc.
4. I get ignored.
5. M and A get back together.
6. Both dont talk to me and regard me as a suspicious minion of R.

So I didn’t make the gallery, I didn’t report any wrong doing on As part, I said nothing to stir it up (beyond rather niavely mentioning the gallery existance) and spent literally hours trying to calm her down after she went off the handle but I’m still the bad guy trying to wreck their happy and secure (hah!) relationship.   Nothing like making an outsider the focus of your blame to avoid too much introspective analysis of your own relationship’s failings eh?.

2.  L was a friend of mine for about 3-4 years.  On facebook, I had a bit of flirty banter with a friend of hers. The friends boyfriend complained to L and L had a go at me. I said relax it’s just facebook banter, tell him if he’s got an issue take it up with me. It’s stopped now anyway.  
L just kept having a go about it and wanting me to apologise. I said look am not going to apologise about some facebook banter that didn’t even mention you in any case. I am sorry you got “in trouble” about it but I’m not sorry about the act itself.  Not going to lie, I feel the act was perfectly okay. 

So she fell out with me , after extended back and forth because I wouldn’t lie and say sorry about that. L actually said that “if our friendship isn’t worth just lying to tell me what I want to hear then it’s not worth much”.  Irony escapes her clearly. 

The Stupidest Reason anyone has ever fell out with me.  (If you can top it, please let us know)

1.  I used to do roleplaying. (Pretending to be an elf with a magic staff, roll some dice that kind of stuff).  They didn’t fall out with me because of that (and why would they, it’s awesome!).  Anyway,  MsN00b also played it. She fell out with me, genuinely and completely (this was like 8 years ago now) because I wanted to use poision instead of a sword and she felt that was Evil.  I hadn’t actually killed anyone with it. I didn’t use it to kill a High Priest of Hugz or anything.  In her eyes the mere act of wanting to use a  poison to have someone die quickly without mess was an act of malevolence on par with sodomising a one legged kitten Nun.
So we argued about it a bit and then she stopped talking to me. Forever.  I didn’t swear at her or call her names or anything.  It was just this keen difference of me not thinking the actual method of killing someone was likely to make you more evil than another when both were equally painful. 

I hardly ever fall out with people because I like discussion too much and I’m very rational mostly. When I do fall out with them it’s for really good reasons.

Like them being ignorant, stupid,close minded,bigoted, the wrong colour or gay.

This show actually well annoys me at times. By all means give the ladies confidence and so on since a lot of people do have a negative body image that shouldn’t be the case. A bit of cellulite on their bum. Bit curvy. Some spots. Boobs not quite as perky as previous. Couple new wrinkles. Its not really a big deal or a deal breaker or anything is it.

That being said however there is something just as bad in telling a decently overweight lady to buy a pile of new clothes to hide how overweight they are.

How about lose the weight and then buy clothes gok? Does that ever cross your mind maybe. I imagine it does as you swan about slender built as you are, giggling your ass off at telling them to wear a belt and being hailed as a genius for it,but that wouldn’t be good for business. Let’s not be so accepting that we forget there’s health issues with being a fatty that costs tax payers a lot of money or that its actually pretty simple and basic to lose weight safely and easily for the vast population (pun intended).

Get yourself in shape and then you’ll be confident regardless of what the hell you’re wearing.